First of "Stories From A Haitian Palace"

It's seems unreal that five full years could fly by so quickly yet they have. The many memories made seemed to have been created only yesterday yet the gut wrenching lessons that are guaranteed to be imprinted on my conscious will last a lifetime. 

 The mission trip that changed my heart forever.

 I can still feel, smell, taste, see and hear the experience, funny how the  changing of attitude deep in ones soul evokes all of a persons senses.

The harsh,stiff smell of the market air.

The feel of dusty, dry dirt as it swirls and whirls around you before finding it's home, covering your sweaty skin from head to toe.
The sight of poverty you never knew existed.
The up and down sounds of a foreign language as your ears frantically search to adjust and understand, cheap radios, irritated drivers and loud horns on the roads with no rules.
The taste of new and interesting foods on your pallet. 

My sensory intake was at it's breaking point during that one week in Haiti, overflowing with the huge differences in a country not like my own. I had no idea how other parts of world lived. I was 100 percent naive to say the least, stuck in my own comfort bubble on the east coast of America. To see pictures or to read about these places and people on the internet is NOT the same. If you can, if God opens the doors to a trip that takes you out of your comfort zone and/or out of the country do it. At the very least support others in any way, prayer, prep or donations to help them get there, to place where their   

FIRST DAY IN HAIT

AUGUST 2010

Dear Diane,

It's HOT, jungle hot. It's smells like garbage and dead fish. The dust almost chokes you, trash ankle deep along every street. Rubble and tent "neighborhoods" as far as you can see. I'm thinking its gonna be a LONG 3 hour ride to our hotel in St. Marc's. As we drive through Port Au Prince all of us take pictures continuously, not wanting to miss a thing. 

Unconscious and numb to what we are seeing.....I wanna cry....I wanna help.....I don't want to admit I'm so freaked out and SCARED to death. SCARED of the Haitians attacking our open windows asking for handouts, SCARED of how we will eat and SCARED of going home in 7 days only to forget these feelings. Feelings of guilt and feelings of sorrow tugging at my heart and gut.

Diane I hope the pictures will give you an insight of the poverty here on the streets. Almost makes the Manna House Saturday mornings look like the Ritz. We roll and bump into a town, swerving pot holes, goats and natives literally inches from being hit by the van. Horns blaring, impatient trucks filled with BUNCHES of bananas, tied up farm animals, people on top of people. Seriously, so squished and stuffed sitting two on a lap, hanging out of windows, sometimes by one finger and one foot. 

Remember our fun family record of 16 people in Freddy James? (a 1997 Suburban) Every vehicle looks that way. 1 or 2 to a motorcycle....NO WAY.....try 3 or 4, entire families on the way to, somewhere.

Oh no ....stuck stuck stuck. Stuck in traffic in the middle of a tiny, over crowded, unhappy looking town. Music coming from who knows where, arguing, woman balancing baskets like a National Geographic Magazine. Flies swarm in the open windows the millisecond our raggedy, dirty wheels screech to a stop.

THEN IT HAPPENED........

Brandi passed a half empty water bottle to a desperate Momma out of the window. Clung to her hip was a hot little baby with no emotions in her saddened eyes. Did I already mention it was gazillion degrees out? 

At once without thinking she raised the cold water to her babies lips first.....before her own. So touched, I scrambled for my camera to capture this sweet action of a Mother's love. OH NO, our eyes met, I wasn't prepared for that. She was to be a picture stored away in a shoebox in the back of my closest labeled HAITI MISSION TRIP 2010. Like a memory, not a real person. Just as they press themselves against the window wanting more, words were spoken, almost a whisper from her dirty, cracked, desperate lips.

Words in a different language.

Words I didn't understand.

But words I could FEEL

What could I give her? What should I do? Time was in slow motion yet I still has no time to react. How did this happen? How did I get here? Why was it in GODS plan for me to be here with these people?

Thankfully we pulled away, tears filled my eyes before the woman was out of sight. Unable to sort through or process any of my surroundings I let the tears flow. Tears of sadness and tears of guilt. Was I crying for that woman or was I ashamed of myself? NO, NO, NO this isn't about me, it's about these people who have nothing. They can't be happy living like this? Right?Hello....GOD, it's me Victoria.....Where are you here in HAITI?

Day Two In Haiti 

I wipe my tear stained face, dirt already underneath my finger nails. I look around the hot, grungy van at the other members of the team. Laughing, smiling, talking, napping. They all look somewhat normal or maybe they are faking it too. Not me, my head is stuck in quick sand. I struggle with deep comforting breathing and talk myself through what is going on outside the smeared window inches from my face.

I hear my voice drone on, I begin to annoy myself. It sounds like I'm giving a 1979 BRADY BUNCH pep talk to one of my kids.

Everything is going to be fine honey.
Let's find the good in this.
What's life without adventures.
There is no I in TEAM.
BLAH BLAH BLAH

I was getting nowhere in my mind but the van continued to whiz, turn and bump down the worst conditioned roads I've ever been on. Is this for real? Every inch of the road is a dusty, filthy mess. Nobody seems to notice or care when other Haitians use the bathroom just inches away from their piles of fruit and raw meat for sale.

 I do wonder what THEY are thinking. 16 clean WHITE people with moist eyes and expensive cameras. Are they offended? Do they know why we are taking pictures? Not because we see beauty but we are in complete disbelief. Where is the other side of the tracks or better part of town? We have been on the road two hours, I'm beginning to think there is NO better...........

LIFE CHANGING..........NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.......SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Oh yea, we all heard the well wishers weeks and days before departing on this Haitian Vacation. I know now it wasn't just small talk or hot air. I'm already changing. My life is a cozy, easy breeze compared to what it is here........like Paris Hilton I live in SC. How dare I complain the white tile on my kitchen floor shows all the dirt?

At home I sometimes feel too lazy to get through bath time with the kids. Well, things change after watching a dedicated Momma bathe her toddler in a scummy roadside puddle because that is the only option. I will never see this warm, lavish, bubbly routine the same again.


As far as growing. I think I've just hit puberty. I want my mom to grab a ruler and measure me on the wall. She would be excited to see I've grown at least 2 and 1/2 inches....spiritually, that is.

My marathon conversation with GOD continues the entire ride to the hotel and well past lights out. Why? Why? Why? I dive into my beautiful new green travel Bible. Bought especially for this trip to Haiti. I push back the stiff front cover, smile at the embroidered dragon fly and search for answers. Different than at home..... it's quiet in my room, no babies, no snoring, no distractions. I read wherever my now clean fingers flip to. As I meditate on HIS WORD I'm very aware of my breathing. Long deep breaths........like cleansing Yoga. I'm still.......very still...... except for my lungs moving slowly up and down. I'm pretty sure I've never in my entire life been this quiet......It was then I could have sworn I heard a soft voice whisper......

It is about you Victoria and you are exactly where I want you.
I better get some rest, these Haiti days are.......... L-O-N-G