Because I Was a Fat Kid
And Other Reasons I Bother to Blog
Day 298
February 22, 2014
Team Zybko
Seriously, why do you spend so much time blogging? Putting your life and dirty laundry out there on the Internet for everyone to see. That's kinda weird dontcha think?
{{Insert a Twix, need a moment?....here}}
Why do I blog....hhhmmmm....do you have a minute? Or several. Ya see, it's not a one sentence answer nor may it be anything you even care about finding out the answer to.
Maybe you accidentally clicked on this link and couldn't give a rats tootie fruitie about why I do what I do, maybe you continue to scroll to fight off insomnia, maybe you are procrastinating scrubbing the toilet or getting dressed for work, maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places (love that song) maybe I'm an over thinker, maybe run on sentences don't bother me, maybe I'm only talking to myself here, working through some hidden childhood issues or something, who knows. So by chance if you happen to still be swiping down with your thumb on your smart phone as you sit contently on a park bench in Anywhere, USA catching your breathe from the day while ignoring your happy children throwing wood chips at each in a made up friendly game to entertain themselves well, then let me mull it over a minute.
Maybe you accidentally clicked on this link and couldn't give a rats tootie fruitie about why I do what I do, maybe you continue to scroll to fight off insomnia, maybe you are procrastinating scrubbing the toilet or getting dressed for work, maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places (love that song) maybe I'm an over thinker, maybe run on sentences don't bother me, maybe I'm only talking to myself here, working through some hidden childhood issues or something, who knows. So by chance if you happen to still be swiping down with your thumb on your smart phone as you sit contently on a park bench in Anywhere, USA catching your breathe from the day while ignoring your happy children throwing wood chips at each in a made up friendly game to entertain themselves well, then let me mull it over a minute.
Why do I blog....why do I blog?
Yep, yep. I got it.
Yep, yep. I got it.
Cause I like it, that's why.
I think I hear your mom calling you.
Leave me alone poopie face
Just kidding, I am way more mature than that.
Duh. The truthful, heartfelt answers to follow.
Duh. The truthful, heartfelt answers to follow.
I was a fat kid that's why.
Really, no joke, that's one of the reasons and it's true. Unfortunately I have pictures to prove it. A homemade bowl hair cut coupled with a less that hip wardrobe = not thrilled about how that decade and a half of photo albums played out.
See, the thing is, when you are an overweight child you receive something the other skinny kids don't.
A special diversion magic wand.
In addition to plus size jeans, friend dates during prom night, baby powder to prevent chaffing you are also conveniently issued a special magic wand to divert attention. Anything to take the eyes away from the Lane Bryant clothing tag and muffin top. My particular wand was run on humor and pixie dust. Not like Tinkerbell magic pixie dust but the crazy candy powder that came in paper straws. So if you have ever laughed while reading here you can thank the sugary potion and the way I have learned to write my feelings instead of eating them. Better out than in, as they say. Actually, that isn't entirely true but the genius of the Internet is I could have chocolate icing all over the key board and no one would ever know.
I am a Baby Book loser
I often wonder about those moms who are up to date with baby books for each kid. Are they for real? How do they do it? It' simply crazy talk that's what it is. I bet they actually use their garage to park their car, get laundry put away the same day it hits the washer, never leave the house in their sweats and also alphabetize their pantry. Freaks. Although, I totally and now, not so secretly admit I want to be in that elect group of moms, I am not. I do however have a baby box containing a couple baptismal candles, snack size Ziploc bags stuffed with random hair, all about the same color and a few unmarked, first lost teeth. So kids, if you happen to be reading this after I die. Please stop spending your precious time looking for your very own, super special, no one has one like it, my mommy loves me best baby book. It doesn't' exist. This blog, right here is your documented childhood. Yep, you are welcome.
Pppsssstt..... kids, just for funzies I have hidden my gold tooth in the flour container I used for baking, the one with the blue lid. First one to find it can cash it in. Again, you are so welcome
So out of town family can keep up with us
Unfortunately, I don't actually have much data to support this reason. Maybe no one checks it for updates. Oh, well. I do however want to give a shout out to my Uncle Bill. He is awesome. He is my favorite. I think he reads what I have to say. Uh, hello...Bill. Are you still there....?
I wanted to be Dave Barry when I grew up
Each Sunday I would fight my dad, it wouldn't take long yet it definitely wore me out as I struggled to win. Shamelessly putting him in a choke hold so I could grab the section of the paper containing Dave Barry's article. Every week I'd find myself excited about my future and lack of school work needed. How cool! You can make big bucks, have fun and an honest living just by being a goof ball? Pretty sure you don't even need to study for that or score high on the SAT's. Write a few paragraphs, make fun of yourself, eat chocolate cake while typing, oh yea, sign me up for that gig. Be careful what you dream and wish for. My SAT scores stunk but I have succeeded in life as a professional goof ball, I just don't get paid for it. Dave Barry made it look so easy.
(To my ex-Marine I mean, always a Marine Dad, don't worry, no one actually believes I beat you up. Thanks for continually allowing me first dibs on the comics too. Love you.)
Blogging clears my head.
The feeling of accomplishment and freedom mentally awarded after de-cluttering a messy closest can be a natural high. Cleaner, more organized and less containers of junk is liberating in life. My brain and thoughts aren't much different than boxes of old papers, small mom jeans from a skinnier season and the stack of self help books bought but never read. At the end of the day it feels good to purge the feelings and random items in my brain. Passing along stuff that rolls around and takes up space. Maybe someone out there reads it, relates to it, laughs, understands or even sheds a tear with me. Then again, maybe not. Either way, I have made room for another day, another bunch of memories and space to hang up a size pant that inspires me to eat healthier.
A place to dump my pictures
I haven't printed out and assembled a photo album in years. Blogging is way less expensive and way more convenient.
Finally, last but not least.
Sharing scripture God has placed on my heart
What inspires me spiritual I want to share. God's word is amazing! He speaks volumes to me through His promises and love letters. Hungry for scripture everyday, first thing in the morning, craving this food even more than chocolate cake. Way more satisfying to the soul too. The best texts I ever get are from friends letting me know a verse posted was exactly what they needed to read.
Really, no joke, that's one of the reasons and it's true. Unfortunately I have pictures to prove it. A homemade bowl hair cut coupled with a less that hip wardrobe = not thrilled about how that decade and a half of photo albums played out.
See, the thing is, when you are an overweight child you receive something the other skinny kids don't.
A special diversion magic wand.
In addition to plus size jeans, friend dates during prom night, baby powder to prevent chaffing you are also conveniently issued a special magic wand to divert attention. Anything to take the eyes away from the Lane Bryant clothing tag and muffin top. My particular wand was run on humor and pixie dust. Not like Tinkerbell magic pixie dust but the crazy candy powder that came in paper straws. So if you have ever laughed while reading here you can thank the sugary potion and the way I have learned to write my feelings instead of eating them. Better out than in, as they say. Actually, that isn't entirely true but the genius of the Internet is I could have chocolate icing all over the key board and no one would ever know.
I am a Baby Book loser
I often wonder about those moms who are up to date with baby books for each kid. Are they for real? How do they do it? It' simply crazy talk that's what it is. I bet they actually use their garage to park their car, get laundry put away the same day it hits the washer, never leave the house in their sweats and also alphabetize their pantry. Freaks. Although, I totally and now, not so secretly admit I want to be in that elect group of moms, I am not. I do however have a baby box containing a couple baptismal candles, snack size Ziploc bags stuffed with random hair, all about the same color and a few unmarked, first lost teeth. So kids, if you happen to be reading this after I die. Please stop spending your precious time looking for your very own, super special, no one has one like it, my mommy loves me best baby book. It doesn't' exist. This blog, right here is your documented childhood. Yep, you are welcome.
Pppsssstt..... kids, just for funzies I have hidden my gold tooth in the flour container I used for baking, the one with the blue lid. First one to find it can cash it in. Again, you are so welcome
So out of town family can keep up with us
Unfortunately, I don't actually have much data to support this reason. Maybe no one checks it for updates. Oh, well. I do however want to give a shout out to my Uncle Bill. He is awesome. He is my favorite. I think he reads what I have to say. Uh, hello...Bill. Are you still there....?
I wanted to be Dave Barry when I grew up
Each Sunday I would fight my dad, it wouldn't take long yet it definitely wore me out as I struggled to win. Shamelessly putting him in a choke hold so I could grab the section of the paper containing Dave Barry's article. Every week I'd find myself excited about my future and lack of school work needed. How cool! You can make big bucks, have fun and an honest living just by being a goof ball? Pretty sure you don't even need to study for that or score high on the SAT's. Write a few paragraphs, make fun of yourself, eat chocolate cake while typing, oh yea, sign me up for that gig. Be careful what you dream and wish for. My SAT scores stunk but I have succeeded in life as a professional goof ball, I just don't get paid for it. Dave Barry made it look so easy.
(To my e
Blogging clears my head.
The feeling of accomplishment and freedom mentally awarded after de-cluttering a messy closest can be a natural high. Cleaner, more organized and less containers of junk is liberating in life. My brain and thoughts aren't much different than boxes of old papers, small mom jeans from a skinnier season and the stack of self help books bought but never read. At the end of the day it feels good to purge the feelings and random items in my brain. Passing along stuff that rolls around and takes up space. Maybe someone out there reads it, relates to it, laughs, understands or even sheds a tear with me. Then again, maybe not. Either way, I have made room for another day, another bunch of memories and space to hang up a size pant that inspires me to eat healthier.
A place to dump my pictures
I haven't printed out and assembled a photo album in years. Blogging is way less expensive and way more convenient.
Finally, last but not least.
Sharing scripture God has placed on my heart
What inspires me spiritual I want to share. God's word is amazing! He speaks volumes to me through His promises and love letters. Hungry for scripture everyday, first thing in the morning, craving this food even more than chocolate cake. Way more satisfying to the soul too. The best texts I ever get are from friends letting me know a verse posted was exactly what they needed to read.
I wish I blogged. My poor kids will not have that precious baby book because I totally gave up after the first one dumped ( the supposedly baby proof) bottle of Tylenol all over it. it was ruint and now there are JUST SO MANY of them. Oh well, there are pictures and really neat-o digital frames. Good enough. Luv ya.
ReplyDelete