I Left A Chunk Of My Heart T West Point
July 5th, 2013
Team Zybko
"R" Day at West Point, short for reception day is a long, emotional draining day. Slightly less painful and exhausting than birthing a baby. Seriously. Similarities are at least half a page long, written in small print. Feelings swing drastically from high to low with out warning, the marathon day begins at the crack of dawn, every minute of the process you are involved, the unknown of it all can lead to anxiety....blah blah blah. I could go on but it won't help. The major difference between a babies birthday and an Academy R day would be the feeling of emptiness. This time around, 19 years later your momma arms are empty, not holding a sweet smelling new born or smiling down at the perfection of it all. The entire process does in fact leave you holding something quite different, a basket of worry and loneliness, swaddled nicely in a warm blanket of pride.
This isn't my first time sending a kid to college, not even the first time experiencing R Day either. 3 years ago we walked the same straight side walks, listened to the same speeches and I cried the same momma tears. Big wigs with ten pounds of medal on their shirt reassured us with eye to eye contact that our New Cadet would be in good hands. Who am I to argue with an official dude that could quickly snap my neck while continuing to drink and not even spill his latte. Diane made it out alive with flying colors. I know how it works, they grow, they mature they become their own person, they eventually leave the house.
To a momma in mourning for her kids childhood to return this makes no sense at all. My heart simply refuses to listen to all the conversation and the logic of all. Service dropped, I must be in a tunnel or something. I can't hear you...la la la la la.
Dylan worked on preparing himself for his new adventure, he was ready. Certainly physically ready and I suppose as much emotionally ready as one can be. I tried to yell at him a lot, close to his face as much as possible while letting the little ones annoy him to the point of desperation. Breaking him down prior to boot camp couldn't hurt. Good parenting I know, just trying to do my part.
I passed by this girl hiding her feelings away in her own little personal bubble, right after the hurried 90 second goodbye. She must have seen her boyfriend, brother or maybe even her sister off just right down the hall. This is how I feel, I wanna pull my head back into my shell, retreat from the real world and cry it out. Obviously I can't do that. I have regular duties of life, other kids to care for, laundry, dishes, a Baby Daddy, not to mention the huge task of moving. So for now I keep moving, moving around the house missing bits and pieces of Dylan's presence as I go and trying not to loose it.
I try not to loose focus and the big picture of what raising a kid means and how it works. As parents we are to nurture and love them, guide them into good choices of their own, giving them a strong foundation for them to stand on. Over the years pouring water into the soil filled with memories, growing big hearty roots but also a set of sturdy wings to keep them in the air when they do jump out of the nest.
I will suck it up, if he can do this, I can too. Minus the push ups, MRE's, heavey course load and 12 mile marches.
What? Motherhood does have some perks ya know.
Proud momma card
Dylan is at the end of the second row.
In my opinion he looks the best in his row.
Just sayin'.
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