You Can Write Your Own Eulogy

Day 336

April 6, 2014

Team Zybko

Better to ask forgiveness than permission.

That's what I always so anyway.  Well, not really my #1 favorite go to expression but a close second behind bring a sweatshirt to the movies cause I won't want to give you mine.

I need to get back on the road but not quite yet. 

I need just a little solitude. 

I'm stealing a few quiets moments, a little time to think, process and share. So here I sit by myself, 2 hours away from my new home of Charlotte at my old home field Starbucks. Sucking up wi-fi and the remnants of what was a delicious extra hot latte. I vow to text Baby Daddy just as soon as I'm done, I'm sure he figured I wouldn't come right back home anyway. Right honey? So here I am, flying under the radar at a pollen decorated table amidst the outside patio seating. In desperate need of purging my feelings, another warmed up raspberry scone and an extra shot. 

 Walking through the double doors with my charged laptop slung over my left shoulder and my overflowing emotional heart threatening to spill out onto my less than comfortable shoes. 

Death is all around me, maybe it's the 40 something age kicking me square dab in the middle of my mom jeans or perhaps I'm simple more tuned in. Parents from childhood are dying, kids and friends within my small circle are hearing the dreaded, unexpected  diagnoses of cancer and other life altering illnesses. Spouses are being called home, all with out warning.

I knew I had to go, even though I never met him. God told me quite clearly to shift schedules, change plans, ask a few favors, what ever it took to get there. The celebration of life in honor of a sweet friend's husband and brother in Christ, Rob. 

Standing room only, not that numbers matter but old habits die hard. As an aerobics instructor I instinctively count rows and heads for a later use, to pencil in the official record books. This afternoon was no different. I just spent the last 2 hours in a lovely, old brick church toward downtown Florence I wasn't even aware existed. Shoulder to shoulder, bellied up and walking along side the Spirit with roughly 232 other people. People who all dearly love Rob, his devoted wife Scarlett or better yet both of them. 

I haven't been to a ton of services for the deceased, even as an adult, they all fit conveniently within my two aging hands. I don't have much to compare it to but this celebration of life had an indescribable feel to it. Qualities of beauty and peace, only possible and pulled together by the love of God. HIS hand was all over the speakers, songs and scripture picked for the service. 120 minutes filled to the brim with his favorite music, people and stories told from the gut of those that experienced life, right along side of him. 

It was real.

 It was reverent. 

It was up lifting.

 It was inspiring.

It appropriately gave God all the glory.

Scarlett my friend,  you did a wonderful job at keeping it all together this afternoon. To even mildly attempt to put myself in your shoes creates uncontrollable sweat pockets under the arms of my black $14.99 dress from T.J Maxx. I surely feel inadequate as I am suddenly speechless for the first time in my life. Definitely lacking the correct words to comfort you in this time. You were beautiful from the inside out through it all. Nothing more lovely than a woman who relies, trusts and clings to the hope our Lord during difficult trials. 

I will say I learned more about your Rob this afternoon than expected. Upon entering the church at a few minutes after 2:00 til now I got to know him, his character and the deep love he had for not only you but every single person he encountered and of course Jesus. He was a kind, patient and generous man, a man who lived out his faith daily, showing others with his actions and listening ears that each individual person matters. My goodness, can't we all wish for such genuine words spoken after we are called home. 

 I hated to run without hugging your neck, I knew you had numerous other duties and obligations as the wife in such an event.  We can catch up later. Also, I honestly hope you aren't offended in any way I write about you here, again. This blog is a forum for what lies on my heart, a digital representation of the experiences from my life. My soccer mom emotions at the helm, they dictate the topics, lessons learned, events and memories to share. The ones that make you laugh, turn your head sideways and the ones that make you cry big ugly, why me tears. 

I solemnly look at the space around me, feeling slightly better than when my I grabbed my cup from the smiley barista an hour ago. I have moved indoors to the crowded atmosphere of happy coffee drinkers with apparently no care in the world. I would certainly have no trouble blogging the rest of the day away but it's not in the cards. 

I wish I had met your best friend, if that was so I can guarantee you one thing Scarlett. I would have unabashedly taken a turn with the microphone this afternoon. A precious, fighting back tears filled few minutes it would have been. How would I  explain to the listeners and friends just how much Rob enriched my life? Probably wouldn't be tough, as he seemed to be quite consistent in making an impact on others.

  

Thank you for letting me be a part of the celebration.

I better call baby Daddy and let him know I am on the way home.

The next two hours and beyond I will be thinking about how to make my eulogy write more Christlike and in turn more like your husband's. 

James 1:19

Everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry.